1.1.09

2009 horoscopes

AQUARIUS - JANUARY 20 to FEBRUARY 18

EVERYONE THINKS YOU'RE A FUCKING JERK.



PISCES - FEBRUARY 19 to MARCH 20

YOU HAVE A VIVID IMAGINATION AND OFTEN THINK YOU ARE BEING FOLLOWED BY THE F.B.I.



ARIES - MARCH 21 to APRIL 19

YOU ARE A PRICK.



TAURUS - APRIL 20 to MAY 20

YOU'LL DIE OF A METH ADDICTION.



GEMINI - MAY 21 to JUNE 20

YOU ARE A QUICK AND INTELLIGENT THINKER. PEOPLE LIKE YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE BISEXUAL.



CANCER - JUNE 21 to JULY 22

EVERYBODY IN PRISON IS A CANCER.



LEO - JULY 23 to AUGUST 22

LEO PEOPLE ARE THIEVING MOTHER-FUCKERS AND SPEND MOST OF THEIR TIME KISSING MIRRORS.



VIRGO - AUGUST 23 to SEPTEMBER 22

YOU ARE COLD AND UNEMOTIONAL AND OFTEN FALL ASLEEP SCREWING. VIRGOS MAKE GOOD BUS DRIVERS AND PIMPS.



LIBRA - SEPTEMBER 23 to OCTOBER 22

IF YOU ARE MALE YOU ARE PROBABLY QUEER. MOST LIBRA WOMEN ARE WHORES. ALL LIBRAS DIE OF VENEREAL DISEASE.




SCORPIO - OCTOBER 23 to NOVEMBER 21

THE WORST OF THE LOT. YOU ARE SHREWD IN BUSINESS AND CANNOT BE TRUSTED. MOST SCORPIOS ARE MURDERED.



SAGITTARIUS - NOVEMBER 22 to DECEMBER 21

SAGITTARIANS ARE DRUNKS. NIXON WAS A SAGITTARIAN. YOU ARE NOT WORTH THE TIME OF DAY.




CAPRICORN - DECEMBER 22 to JANUARY 19

YOU SHOULD KILL YOURSELF.

4 comments:

cake said...

i'm a virgo.


and a pimp.

anthrax said...

your a liar/bus driver and and you fall asleep screwing.




-anthrax

cake said...

yeah. that's true also.

cake said...

im also a fucking whore

PAST